GOOD NEWS IN THE FACE OF PORNOGRAPHY--PART 2

Porn is one of the most difficult addictions to overcome because not only is the body addicted to its own chemicals/hormones, but at times, no outside stimulus is needed, one has only to recall the pornographic images already stored in one's brain.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

Another reason porn is one of the most difficult addictions is the incredible, diabolical ease with which one gets started. You don't have to buy anything. It's not illegal. You don't have to be of age. You don't have to leave the house. It's portable if you do leave the house. It's available 24/7. And if you use a computer at all, you're going to see porn whether you want to or not. You WILL be solicited. And if you do SEEK porn in a moment of weakness, all you have to do is type four letters and hit enter. Done.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

With alcohol, you may or may not be an alcoholic. You'll find out if you start drinking. With porn, everyone is a pornaholic because everyone has a body, everyone is a sexual being. All it takes is ONE LOOK. One of the most basic human actions. Looking. Vision. Seeing. Since men are aroused visually, porn is much more addictive for them. However, WOMEN, too, are increasingly becoming addicted to porn, and this also needs to come out in the open, lest women think that THEIR porn addiction is worse, more "unforgiveable," less feminine somehow.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

Porn taps into the deepest, most fundamental longing of the human person: to be loved, body and soul. To be affirmed as man or woman, body and soul.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

Porn ruins the best gift God gave us: each other. The gift of woman to man and man to woman. Or, as JP2G says: woman FOR man and man FOR woman. What could be more diabolical? "Diabolical" means literally to "split," "divide."

IT'S NOT FAIR.

Porn addiction is a "new" way (because of its newfound availability and prevalence) for men to abandon their families.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

WHAT DO YOU DO IN SPORTS WHEN AN ATHLETE DOESN'T PLAY FAIR? YOU ELMINATE THEM. YOU DISQUALIFY THEM. IF YOU KNEW FROM THE START THIS PERSON WASN'T GOING TO PLAY FAIR, YOU'D NEVER EVEN LET THEM ON THE TEAM.
SO, WITH PORN (WHICH DOESN'T PLAY FAIR)--DON'T TAKE THE FIRST DRINK. JUST DON'T.

But how can we prevent that first, unsolicited drink that gets poured down our throats against our will when we're 10 years old?

It's not going to be easy.

Should we head for the hills and unplug and opt out of the media culture that we're all swimming in and depending on in so many ways? That's a decision that everyone has to make for themselves and their families. And is it even possible?

Fr. Benedict Groeschel, CFR, a psychologist has this profound (paraphrased) insight: Even though we may claim we believe in free will, we have been so brainwashed by popular psychology--Freudian and other deterministic schools of thought--that we don't really believe in the possibility of humans to change, and we hamstring ourselves from the get-go. Our willpower has been seriously undermined by ourselves. (I'm not saying that addicts can be healed by applying sheer willpower, but that addictions can be averted and thwarted, in part, by willpower, starting with the RECOGNITION of our willpower.)

If you opt to stay in the media culture and use computers, cable/dish TV, cell phones, etc., (all porn gateways) here are some action items. If they don't work, we need to rework them, because we'll lose the farm. We'll lose everything, as porn addicts are able to tell us firsthand.

--Pray. Live a sacramental life.
--Communicate your values about sexuality in an open, positive way with your children of all ages. Constantly.
--Be honest with your spouse about any and all sexual failings as they happen.
--Get help immediately for porn problems.
--Instruct yourself, your family and others in Theology of the Body.
--Instruct yourself, your familiy in Media Literacy and Media Mindfulness.
--Communicate about media with your children. Constantly.
--Get a serious porn blocker for your computer / TV.
--Have TVs and computers in public areas of your home. Have designated times for use.
--Train your children to use their willpower.
--Talk to your children about porn.
--Have your children report to you any porn that makes its way into your home.
--Consecrate yourselves to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
--Communicate constantly with your children about the true love that God wants for them and how to attain it.

Unfortunately, porn is a part of all of our lives now. (It's SO not fair.) Deal with it.

GOOD NEWS IN THE FACE OF PORNOGRAPHY

Pornography use is progressive, addictive, toxic and fatal (if not dealt with). Is there any hope? Plenty. But before listing resources, it's important to simply talk about what pornography IS--because that conversation just isn't happening in the Church (in any big way) beyond official Church documents and: "It's bad, stay away." And that's tragic, because bringing porn into the light is the ONLY thing that breaks its hold.

Actually, SEX hasn't been talked about in the Church (in any open way) beyond a kind of listing of "thou shalt nots." The devil is laughing up his sleeve at all this because while the porn industry is going mainstream, Christians are clinging to a puritanical and dangerous silence with regard to sex. Therefore, who gets to tell the young and not so young their story about the meaning of sex? Whoever isn't too shy to talk about it: Internet porn, Howard Stern, Playboy, "Sex and the City," "Gossip Girls," the Spice Channel, etc.

Enter John Paul II's "Theology of the Body." John Paul II talked about sex. A lot. About its beauty and goodness and desirability and centrality to our lives. He talked about how God invented sex, not as a forbidden fruit, but as an expression of our Godlike ability to give and receive love the way God loves: freely ("I do"), faithfully ("only you forever"), fully (total gift of self: body and soul), fruitfully (open to new life).

"Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it."

–John Paul II the Great

Since most porn users are men, we'll speak about it from the male side. Those lovely ladies don't really love you. They're being paid to act like they love you. (Drug use, STDs and suicide are high among porn stars because they are living a lie.) What about those porn stars who build their own empires and seem to suffer no consequences? Also a lie. They are living a radical body-soul split that will take its toll.

How do you know if you're addicted to porn? If you use it at all, you're addicted, because porn is addictive by nature. Porn is a multi-billion dollar business off of people's addictions.

Pornography is having sex with a fantasy. The porn user becomes addicted to their body's own chemicals. They become capable of being aroused ONLY by fantasy-images, and not their real-life, flesh-and-blood spouse. Therefore, porn emasculates.

Men lose interest in the real women around them, family, work, sports, hobbies, etc. The addiction becomes all-consuming. The addiction is also costly as bigger and more extreme thrills are needed. Porn addicts fear telling anyone because they fear losing everything: wife (whom they've rejected through porn), respect of family, friends, co-workers, church family. So, as angry as the revelation of a porn addiction may make us, if we make it too difficult for the addict to come clean, or too difficult when they do, everybody loses. God is bigger than addiction. God forgives those turning from addiction. God heals addiction.

Men who fight porn addiction in their lives are true heroes. They give the lie to a culture that says porn is normal and manly and harmless. As despicable as porn is, men willing to fight the battle against porn addiction need support and encouragement, like any other recovering addicts. Women need to applaud these men, who are strong in their weakness. "In weakness, power reaches perfection." Remember, these are the good guys, not the bad guys. These are the guys that don't want porn anymore and have risked everything to take a stand AGAINST porn (just as they risked everything FOR porn). These are men of incredible courage and character who are fulfilling their true vocation of upholding the dignity of women (and their own).

Shame and secrecy is the deadly combination that feeds the addiction. I once heard a priest say: "Why did Jesus call us 'children of the light'? Because we make our mistakes in the open." If we began openly acknowledging sex in a happy, healthy, reverent, non-graphic, non-trivializing, age-appropriate manner, the "naughty" factor that drives people to "forbidden pleasures" would be removed. Sex is the two-ton elephant in our Christian living rooms that nobody talks about because they don't seem to know what to say. The Theology of the Body is the answer.