August 22, 2012

PORN PREVENTION & RECOVERY RESOURCES (updated August 2012)



So what's so bad about porn?

It's an ADDICTION. DO NOT GET STARTED WITH PORN. You are not stronger than porn. You can't just dabble. It's NOT mind over matter. We are not wired that way.

DO NOT GET STARTED WITH PORN. You will not be able to stop. You will need bigger and bigger thrills. It will take up all your time and attention. You will lose interest in everything else.

PORN IS MORE ADDICTIVE THAN CRACK COCAINE because the body gets addicted to its own chemicals.

DO NOT GET STARTED WITH PORN.

Persons--who are the sacred image of God--can never be used.

Even if they want to be.

This includes the porn-user who uses their own body as they use porn. (So even if the IMAGES are CGI, the porn user is using their own body.)

The opposite of love is not hate. It is use: using persons as things, as means to an end. Using persons is against human dignity.

The body is for total, committed, real, true love and relationship.

Porn, plain and simple, is an addiction that destroys true love, and/or makes it impossible. Divorce lawyers are citing it as one of the major factors in more and more break-ups.

Porn also destroys real sex (does not "add spice") because the porn user conditions themselves to respond to images, not real persons. (Addictions never enhance anything anyway, they only detract, distract, damage and destroy.)

Sex (of whatever kind) outside of the marriage relationship is ADDICTIVE (bigger and bigger thrills are needed). Sex within the marriage relationship is BONDING, person to person (and satisfying because sex is about much more than only pleasure within the marriage bond. The human person has the capacity for Infinity within themselves, and male/female committed to each other in true love and true sex, can experience something of the Infinite).

Just like any other addiction, you will never be "cured." You will be in "recovery" for the rest of your life and have to be very careful about all your media use, memory, imagination, what you do with your eyes on a minute-to-minute basis. DO NOT GET STARTED WITH PORN. No one PLANS on getting addicted. Porn addicts say: "If only I had KNOWN this was an addiction, I would never have gotten started." Well, now you know. 

Remember, the two hallmarks of addicts are 1) DENIAL  2) DON'T TOUCH MY ADDICTION.

FIRST STEPS FOR PREVENTION: 

--Theology of the Body 

--Tabor Life Institute http://www.taborlife.org/ Trains men how to "see" women properly. Teaches everyone how to "see" the human body properly. (Fr. Thomas Loya's institute) 

--"The Interior Gaze: A Remedy for 'Pornovision' and Lust" DVD (Fr. Thomas Loya) http://www.theologyofthebody.net/

--http://marysaggies.blogspot.com/2008/01/what-is-wrong-with-porn.html Starts with the positives of the body and sex. From Texas A & M--St. Mary's Catholic Center

FIRST STEPS FOR THE ADDICTED

--http://ReclaimSexualHealth.com/ (Catholic, based on the latest science and secular site: http://www.CandeoBehaviorChange.com )

--Sexaholics Anonymous www.sa.org (or a Catholic therapist). SA is also for porn addictions. They use 12 steps and words like "sober."

--Anonymous online-help to retrain the porn-user to use internet well: http://www.CandeoBehaviorChange.com/

GROUPS FOR MEN TO JOIN TO BE ACCOUNTABLE, FIGHT PORN, HELP OTHER MEN:

--www.thekingsmen.us (Catholic)

--www.trueknights.org (Catholic) 

--www.dads.org (Catholic) 


--www.PornMilitia.blogspot.com  P.erpetually O.ffering R.osaries N.ightly    Twitter: @pornmilitia 

WOMEN USING PORN IS ON THE RISE:
--Vid of young woman explaining how she got started: http://www.pornfreedomnow.com/2012/07/why-young-women-are-now-being-drawn-to.html

--"What I Wish I Knew Before I Started Using Porn"  (from a woman who works in Hollywood)

--My review of "Magic Mike": http://hellburns.blogspot.com/2012/07/movies-magic-mike.html#.UEpgELJlQes

USING ADULT PORN CAN LEAD TO VIEWING CHILD PORN (EVEN FOR NON-PEDOPHILES):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VOr8cbGdx4&list=PL5148AAD9AD668621&index=7&feature=plpp_video

CHILDREN ARE NEWEST CATEGORY OF ADDICTS:
--
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2131799/Children-grow-addicted-online-porn-sites-Third-10-year-olds-seen-explicit-images.html

THE HORRIBLE EFFECTS OF PORN ON CHILDREN:

--http://www.netnanny.com/learn_center/article/144


PORN FILTERS: 
--www.familink.com The company installs it from cyberspace, not you, so no one in your family can change it. They've been around for ten years. 

--www.software4parents.com (collection of ALL different types of safe software for families to choose from) 

--www.besafeonline.com 


--www.covenanteyes.com

--www.xxxchurch.com (This is a very funky, youth-oriented, activist website.) The company emails questionable sites you've surfed (on a particular computer) to an accountable buddy (or girlfriend or spouse) (Christian) 


--www.safeeyes.com (for Mac or PC) 


--www.bsecure.com 


--www.netnanny.com


SEXTING:

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/talking-about-sexting GREAT VIDEO ON WEBSITE

http://www.kysafeschools.org/sexting.html

In-depth NYTimes article about youth and SEXTING. Cases, laws, repercussions - 

DVDs:
 

--"Somebody's Daughter"--2008, testimonies of men in recovery (Christians). Doesn't give much advice or any resources, but is a portrait of porn addiction from the inside out. Includes a pastor and a couple. Very moving. Since they're not Catholic, they don't have the full, beautiful vision of sexuality and Theology of the Body, but it's still a must see. Includes two powerful music videos and some dramatizations. DVD jacket includes the "25 Lies of Pornography" http://www.somebodysdaughter.org/ 

--"The Interior Gaze--A Remedy for Pornovision and Lust"--Byzantine Catholic priest and artist, Fr. Thomas Loya, demonstrates through design and art how to "see" the beauty of the human body as God intended. http://www.theologyofthebody.net/ 


--"Out of the Darkness" 4 in-depth interviews with a former porn star, a former porn addict, a psychologist and an Alfred Kinsey expert. Excellent! (2011) www.anteroompictures.com

--"Face the Darkness, Illuminate the Night," brand new, comprehensive DVD series on porn. Includes interviews with Christopher West. http://www.theologyofthebody.net/ (Not completed yet!)

--"Fireproof"--drama about a fireman whose marriage is on the rocks, partly because of his internet porn use. 


--DVDs for teens: "The Pure Life" by Jason and Crystalina Evert. This series aired on EWTN. NOT hokey, totally fast-paced, in-your-face, relevant, comprehensive. Teen panel. Covers porn, dating, dress, what teens really want, Theology of the Body, media, etc., etc. EXCELLENT! (Also, just check YouTube channel: "jasonevert"


CDs: 
--"The Pornography Plague and the Path to Christian Purity," Jeff Cavins http://www.ascensionpress.com/ (Catholic) 

--"Cybersex and the Priesthood--Sex, Shame, Addiction," Fr. Stephen Rossetti, PhD, D. Min. http://www.albahouse.org/ (Catholic)

--"Winning the Battle for Sexual Purity," (talk to men) Christopher West (also on DVD). http://www.christopherwest.com/ (Catholic)

BOOKS:

--"Drug of the New Millennium--The Brain Science Behind Internet Pornography Use" by Mark Kastleman

--"I Surrender All--Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography"--Christian singer, Clay Crosse, and his wife Renee's story
 


--"The Courage to Be Chaste," by Fr. Groeschel, CFR. A modern classic. Lots of practical tips. 


--"Clean of Heart, Overcoming Habitual Sins Against Purity," by Rosemarie Scott (Forward by Fr. John Harvey, OSFS, founder of Courage) 


--"True Knights: Christian Husbands, Father and Sons," by Kenneth Henderson and Jesse Romero 


--"Porn Nation," sad but true story of how one man had it all and lost it all through internet porn when the internet was brand new. (Author has been on "Oprah," and debates against pro-porn advocates on college campuses.) Scary predictions for future.


--"The Hook and I" by David Cannan. Catholic 12 Steps for porn (a friend of mine in recovery swears by this book)

THERAPISTS/COUNSELORS:
--http://www.maritalhealing.com/ (Catholic) http://www.zenit.org/article-29697?l=english What To Do About Porn--Part I" article from Zenit.org and MaritalHealing.com on step-by-step what to do about porn if husband addicted. Also some current stats. 2010) 

--Dr. Philip Mango (NYC) st_michael@verizon.net Dr. Phil Mango is a licensed Catholic psychotherapist from New York, director of St. Michael's Institute for the Psychological Sciences; founder of Warrior Brothers- focused on leadership and manhood development for service to family, Church and society; and visiting professor at the John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family. For more than 12 years, he served as mental health consultant for Mother Teresa's work with the poor. Dr. Mango combines John Paul II's theology of the body with psychology to effectively minister to men and women seeking to overcoming sexual and pornographic addictions and develop healthy relationships with the opposite sex. He has extensive experience treating PTSD with the most effective treatment known, EMDR- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Areas of Expertise: PTSD, post-abortive, marital healing, masculine spirituality, psychology of the sexes, founder of www.warriorbrothers.org. Available to speak at your parish or event.

--Fr. Thomas Loya (Chicago) http://www.taborlife.org/



--SOAR0136@aol.com "Seeing One Another Rightly"--This group uses Sexaholics Anonymous 12 Step Principles combined with Theology of the Body. Blog: www.SeeingOneAnotherRightly.wordpress.com

WEBSITES:
--www.pornharms.com All the facts and stats.

--www.freedomfrompornnow.com Lots of helpful, short, shareable articles and vids!

--http://www.faithfulandtrueministries.com/ 

- -www.diocese-kcsj.org/myhousekcsj 


--www.demandyourdignity.com ("Don't Believe the Lies" video by guys in a LifeTeen group in Rhode Island. Very moving!)


INTERNET PRAYER

Dear God, I ask Your help divine
whenever I must go online.
I tell myself that I love "art,"
their sculpted forms, my heavy heart.

As I get lost in cyberspace
and go from face to nameless face,
behind each image, there's a life,
there's someone's husband, someone's wife.

Perhaps a son or daughter, too,
God, if their families only knew
As I'm drawn in to search the net,
it's all too easy to forget

the way my actions take their toll--
they slowly work to kill my soul.
Its essence surely must erode
with every image I download.

Please rescue me from what I do.
Please help me want to stop it, too.
Obsession lifted, I'll stand free,
surrendering my will to Thee.

--written by a Catholic woman in recovery from the S/m lifestyle




PLEASE ALSO SEE "COMMENTS" ON THIS POST FOR MORE RESOURCES.

This blog post can also be accessed at easy-to-remember www.tinyurl.com/PornPreventionResources

21 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:16 PM

    Greetings:

    Two of the more oft-cited and highly recommended books on how to fight impurity are "Every Man's Battle" by Arterburn & Stoeker and "Clean of Heart" by Rosemarie Scott.

    Here you can find sources where you can take a preview before purchase them:


    eD2K links:
    ed2k://|file|Arterburn%20&%20Stoeker%20-%20Every%20Man's%20Battle.pdf|24613840|0 FEE9ABE27B0014EFB855641EB5E4162|h=UR7SCY 3GBB3HURLVHXQ2YP7ZQFUJKVC4|/
    ed2k://|file|Rosemarie%20Scott%20-%20Clean%20of%20Heart.pdf|21728910|A42CC AA5EDA7F3D77B5EDCAACCE2B0A4|h=JMXTXPEFYX MGKPVTNGBIYUVN4BOSV5MV|/

    Torrent files:
    http://drop.io/ImpurityAddictionSupportGroup

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for the mention in your article. Would enjoy the opportunity to connect further via email -
    Ryan AT XXXchurch.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous9:50 PM

    Sr. Helen,

    I want to thank you for your website. I have been going to confessing this sin innumerable times, and I have been seeing a counselor for while, but I wasn't getting anywhere; however, after listening to you talk about the Internet prayer on Catholic radio one morning, I checked out your website and found out about Candeo, and while I am not there yet, I know that through praying, confessing, counseling, and using Candeo, I am getting closer everyday.

    Thank you again.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Anonymous,
    Glad to hear this helped! Just remember, you're not alone--because of its availability now, millions are addicted, but how many are getting help? Thank God you are working at it. It's not easy, but not impossible--I applaud you & am praying for you.
    God bless,
    Sr. H

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous11:54 PM

    Sr. Helena,
    Thank you so much for posting this! I'd also be really interested to see resources and links specifically for women. I'm a college age girl who has struggled with an addiction to porn for so many years now and it's only been recently (in the past year) that someone really explained why it's an *addiction*. I had been going to confession for it so many times and I never really felt ok about afterward until a priest took the time to explain to me why it was an addiction, how our bodies become addicted to themselves. It was a huge turning point.
    So much emphasis is put on males when anyone talks about porn (I've heard a ton of chastity talks and whenever porn is brought up, no one ever talks about women...) which is great, but there is a void of support for women.
    I've found many practical tips and tricks have helped me in the past few months to stay "clean," and those paired with prayer have been vital in my progress.
    I have loved your tweets today and thank you so much for being the light of Christ to so many who struggle with this awful addiction!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Anonymous,

    Yes! Porn use/addiction by women is TOTALLY on the rise and I always mention that in my talks. Thank God that priest helped you. I really think if people understood ADDICTION from the get-go they would think twice before "dabbling," but of course, porn is getting harder and harder to avoid these days and people are exposed to it at younger and younger ages. A friend of mine is writing an essay about this and what needs to be done in raising boys (and girls)! We have our work cut out for us.... "Nothing is impossible with God." :]

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for your mention and link to our resource...you've provided a great landing page for a lot of good resources - Bill from www.PornFreedomNow.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just read in Le Monde (Paris newspaper) about syphilis cases shutting down LA porn industry. You won't see that on the 6:00 news... I had to read it in the morning headlines from France! Evil begets evil... and only virtue conquers vice!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Polyglot,

      It's all over HuffPost now. What more proof do we need that human beings were not made to have multiple sex partners?

      Sincerely,
      Uniglot

      Delete
  9. Actually, I did see that syphillis was on the rise again (but not about shutting down porn industry) AND gonorrhea (once subdued in 1940's by invention of penicillin) is becoming COMPLETELY untreatable. It's now a superbug. Totally resistant to any antibiotic.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous8:07 PM

    Heard you talking about this on the son rise morning show today. Opened my eyes to an issue I had not thought about before. Thanks for reaching out through the air waves and making me think.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Glad to raise awareness! That's what we're here for. :] God bless.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous9:54 PM

    Thank you for your reclaimsexualhealth link!

    don@reclaimsexualhealth.com

    ReplyDelete
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  16. Anonymous8:09 PM

    Thank u Sister, May God our Heavenly Father bless you and keep you!

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  19. Anonymous4:51 AM

    What a guilt trip. Porn is my one escape from my dismal lonely life.

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